one of those lows...
I have reached my endurance limit yet another time. By this time it should not be a surprise to me. I should be prepared mentally, physically, emotionally after enduring so many hurdles, crisis, and drought. After all, my life seems like an unfair share of struggles and effortlessness.
I lived through, learnt through, built a tougher shell each time through to withstand and survive.
This is yet again one of those lows. Where i wish i was dead (yuck, NO way!), i wish just became transparent, or i quit my job and went on a life time vacation.
I was workin on paper work for my apt registration/loan for the past 4+ mo and nothing has been finalized yet, the loan paperwork has not progressed an inch.. Only if it wasn’t for the bad timing of my 3 yr work visa expiring and applyin for a loan at the smae time. I would have probably been in India with vj busy adoring him, crazy decorating my home and easy breezy just enjoyin life.
But, here I am stuck 10,000 miles away from family, livin alone, feelin lonely one way or another, visa expired, dl expired, finding ways to entertain myself, waiting for visa extension approval.
I am worried what if I don’t get the loan, loose the advance amt, have to let go of the apt? nah I know it won’t b that bad, God! Ugh…. But no progress for 4 mo now and the happiness of buyin my home has diminished to next to nothing with all the procrastination.
This is just the tip of iceberg, to amount of things botherin me right now. Huh. why me? I think every time. Know what, I think I should stop feelin responsible or accountable to some (lot) of the things I take up. I should let somebody else do it. thats the way it should be or just let things happen and not try to do everything. Then I will be less stressful, feel less depressed and feel fewer times sorry for myself. One way to lighten and brighten up is to share with someone, listen to them, allow someone to influence, take care of you and care abt ur worries. That someone, a friend, a guide, a companion is what I miss right now. Since the time I met vj, I seemed to hv taken that he is the world to me, everything, everyone to me and now he’s not around, I feel I am all alone. Shouldn’t hv done that.
Well I am kinda person who doesn’t share lows easily just coz I feel like not wantin to sadden someone with my stuff. I know everyone has their own stuff to worry about and hence…
I would scream though while sharing my highs, to all. Call, ping, email, meet whichever way but I would share the joy but not sorrow. I keep the bad stuff to myself and I hold and hold and then when I reach the endurance limit, it is like the volcanic eruption. He he he ! lol
Feels like I know, what’s wrong with me, I know what to do to fix, but just can’t do it … u know it is how it is sometimes, I am sure every person must be feelin like that at somepoint and then knowingly or subconsciously I am stubborn, very. That’s how I am made stubborn, tough, yet delicate, passionate, considerate yet lazy… blah blah blah… google taurean female ;)
All my gigantic lows followed by miniature highs, my life’s one hell of a ride!
Bet! I have taken a way to writing… to alleviate lows. Having fun out of the lows too ;) am I smart or what.
Oh well my turn now to present, in the middle of a meeting. Will get back to bloggin later when I find sth else amusing! ;)
I lived through, learnt through, built a tougher shell each time through to withstand and survive.
This is yet again one of those lows. Where i wish i was dead (yuck, NO way!), i wish just became transparent, or i quit my job and went on a life time vacation.
I was workin on paper work for my apt registration/loan for the past 4+ mo and nothing has been finalized yet, the loan paperwork has not progressed an inch.. Only if it wasn’t for the bad timing of my 3 yr work visa expiring and applyin for a loan at the smae time. I would have probably been in India with vj busy adoring him, crazy decorating my home and easy breezy just enjoyin life.
But, here I am stuck 10,000 miles away from family, livin alone, feelin lonely one way or another, visa expired, dl expired, finding ways to entertain myself, waiting for visa extension approval.
I am worried what if I don’t get the loan, loose the advance amt, have to let go of the apt? nah I know it won’t b that bad, God! Ugh…. But no progress for 4 mo now and the happiness of buyin my home has diminished to next to nothing with all the procrastination.
This is just the tip of iceberg, to amount of things botherin me right now. Huh. why me? I think every time. Know what, I think I should stop feelin responsible or accountable to some (lot) of the things I take up. I should let somebody else do it. thats the way it should be or just let things happen and not try to do everything. Then I will be less stressful, feel less depressed and feel fewer times sorry for myself. One way to lighten and brighten up is to share with someone, listen to them, allow someone to influence, take care of you and care abt ur worries. That someone, a friend, a guide, a companion is what I miss right now. Since the time I met vj, I seemed to hv taken that he is the world to me, everything, everyone to me and now he’s not around, I feel I am all alone. Shouldn’t hv done that.
Well I am kinda person who doesn’t share lows easily just coz I feel like not wantin to sadden someone with my stuff. I know everyone has their own stuff to worry about and hence…
I would scream though while sharing my highs, to all. Call, ping, email, meet whichever way but I would share the joy but not sorrow. I keep the bad stuff to myself and I hold and hold and then when I reach the endurance limit, it is like the volcanic eruption. He he he ! lol
Feels like I know, what’s wrong with me, I know what to do to fix, but just can’t do it … u know it is how it is sometimes, I am sure every person must be feelin like that at somepoint and then knowingly or subconsciously I am stubborn, very. That’s how I am made stubborn, tough, yet delicate, passionate, considerate yet lazy… blah blah blah… google taurean female ;)
All my gigantic lows followed by miniature highs, my life’s one hell of a ride!
Bet! I have taken a way to writing… to alleviate lows. Having fun out of the lows too ;) am I smart or what.
Oh well my turn now to present, in the middle of a meeting. Will get back to bloggin later when I find sth else amusing! ;)
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